Concluding Halftime

Today is the last day of my halftime. I still have the weekend, but Monday - the 3rd quarter starts. Halftime has been everything I needed. First, I recovered, then I researched, and then I started putting my plan into place. The important thing I am keeping in mind, is I am going into the 3rd quarter as a different person - in all of the best ways. I truly took the time to understand the 1st and 2nd quarters. To see what went wrong, what I learned from each, and how that knowledge could help me move forward. I dissected every moment up to the point of clawing my way to the locker room for halftime. Obsessive, maybe? But I'm alive.

Let's set the scene: why do football teams have running backs, wide receivers, and tight ends, why is the offensive line more than one player? It's because you need different skillsets, perspectives, and approaches to win the game. That's what I needed to build too. A full team, not just a star running back and a top pick wide receiver.

What I learned during halftime is that I was operating with a partial team. And as Taylor Swift said, "I was dancing through the lightning strikes". If it were football, they would have called a rain delay or forfeited the game. I am not proud of dancing through the lightning strikes; I am not even sure it was a conscious decision. And that did almost kill me (more than once). I got the break I needed, admittedly, a colleague/dotted-line manager gave me the courage I didn't have.

Prior to halftime, I had a star running back (endocrinologist), wide receiver (therapist), tight end (functional nutritionist/registered dietitian). But let's be honest, I was missing an entire offensive line & defense. Also, don't forget my quarterback - great before, but offline for a while, is still getting back to her previous level of capabilities (Warner, aka Remaining Adrenal Gland).

What was halftime for? The beginning was physically recovering from adrenal crisis #2 and then it was building my team. In addition to my primary care physician, my endocrinologist (and her team), my therapist, my favorite functional nutritionist/registered dietitian - I have recruited to my team, my acupuncturist, patient stories/experiences, and MYSELF (research, research, research, leveraging AI).

None of these players on their own can win the game - I need all of them, they are each a resource with a different perspective, approach, and skillset. I use what is useful from each - I fact check every single one. I don't distrust; I just verify (with multiple sources). I look at doctor's differently, now. Before, I just relied on them. Like the romanticized view that society holds. I told doctors about my symptoms and I followed instructions - through my life, my pregnancy, my recovery - being let down (almost) every step of the way. The problem is not the doctor, it's that a doctor is just one member of your team and you cannot FULLY rely on doctors to fix everything. No one would expect a quarterback (still getting back up to speed nonetheless) to function without an offensive line!?

When I spoke with my therapist about my frustration with this situation. That this is what it takes to get to a healthy life. That it requires this much work, energy, and time just to keep myself away from a life-threatening state. She helped me reframe it. Yes, this is true. It truly sucks. I mean I literally put 6 weeks full time into developing my own recovery. But at that same time, she has encouraged me to channel that aggravation into gratitude. Gratitude I have a supportive work team, a company that provides various avenues of employee support, and myself - the fact that I am capable of the research, the discipline, the consistency, and the motivation.

I am not religious. I did grow up in a religious household (but it was sometime after college that I steered away from this). The faith I hold is in myself. I believe in myself and my capabilities. I am grateful for me. I am grateful for my commitment to becoming healthy, to being there for my husband, baby, sister, and family. It's hard to describe how much I have put into saving myself. But as I have said before, quoting my favorite Snoop, I would like to thank me, and I do. I don't know everything (far from it) - but what I do know is when and who to ask to fill that gap.

I will surely make a more aesthetically pleasing version, but for now - here is my full recovery plan.

See My Diet for all things food related below.

6:00am: Consistent daily wake-up

6:10am: 20 minutes utilizing light therapy

6:30am: Breakfast

I log my symptoms to follow my readiness to prednisone taper, hydrate, and check BP (add electrolytes, if necessary). No emails, no work until I drop my baby off at preschool.

7:00am: I start my workday

9:30am: Morning Snack

12:30pm: Lunch

3:30pm: Afternoon Snack

~4:30pm: Wrap up my workday and pick up my baby from preschool

6:30pm: Dinner

7:00pm: Baby bed

Enjoy evening, spend time with my husband, stop phone use by 8:30pm

9:30pm: Bed

How do I feel now? Today, I feel good. I feel healthy and strong and that' is all that matters.

I will take breaks if I need them, I will hydrate throughout the day. I will breathe with long exhales - frequently. I will remind myself I feel healthy, I am healthy. I do not drink caffeine. I do not drink alcohol. I will go to acupuncture 3x a week for 8 weeks (I am on week 6 now). I have a session with my therapist 1x a week. I have a follow up appointment with my endocrinologist team every 4 weeks. I have my primary care physician on call, if needed. I do activities that spark joy. I watch my baby grow with my husband.

I grieve what Cushing's has stolen from me - and continues to steal until I recover. I forgive the doctors who let me down, the people who I thought would be there. I embrace the gratitude of those who have been there for me, providers who have saved me, and the ones who listened to my raw suffering without making me feel guilty. I give myself grace and on Monday, I enter the 3rd quarter.